Living with Autophobia: My Personal Journey of Fear and Healing By Sandhya Pathak

The Silent Struggle of a Girl Who Fears Being Alone

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had an irrational fear — a fear that often goes unnoticed by others but feels like a constant companion in my life. It’s not the fear of spiders, dark spaces, or even public speaking. My fear is something far more subtle but just as intense: it’s the fear of being alone. This fear, called autophobia, has shaped much of my life, and I want to share my experience in the hopes that it resonates with others who might be struggling with the same thing.

Autophobia, the intense fear of being alone, is a condition that can deeply impact a person’s mental and emotional well-being. While many people enjoy solitude or find comfort in spending time alone, for those with autophobia, this experience can be overwhelming and distressing. For a teenage girl, grappling with autophobia can be especially challenging as it intersects with the natural changes of adolescence — a time of discovering identity, forming relationships, and seeking independence.

This blog will explore the emotional turmoil of a girl living with autophobia, how it affects her life, and how she can begin to cope with and heal from the condition.

What is Autophobia?

Autophobia is the fear of being alone, and for me, it goes beyond simply feeling lonely. It’s the overwhelming anxiety that comes when I’m by myself — the sense that something bad will happen, or that I’ll be forgotten or abandoned. It can trigger physical symptoms, like a racing heart or shortness of breath, and an emotional storm of sadness, anxiety, and fear. For me, it’s a feeling that I can't easily explain to others, but one that runs deep within me.

Autophobia can manifest in many ways, and it doesn’t just go away with time or with the presence of others. In fact, the more I try to avoid it, the stronger the fear seems to grow.

Autophobia, sometimes referred to as monophobia, is characterized by an irrational and intense fear of being alone. For someone with autophobia, solitude can trigger severe anxiety, panic attacks, or a sense of impending doom. This fear often goes beyond simply feeling lonely; it can become a deeply ingrained fear that disrupts daily life, relationships, and personal growth.

For a teenage girl, autophobia might manifest in several ways — from a persistent need to be around others, to an overwhelming fear of being left alone, even in the comfort of her own home. This fear can stem from various sources: past trauma, family dynamics, or even simply the overwhelming pressure to constantly connect with others in a digitally driven world.

My Story: The Struggle of Living with Autophobia

Meet Sandhya, a 19-year-old college student living with autophobia. She is a bright and caring young girl who is known for her friendly and bubbly personality. On the outside, she seems like just another teenager navigating the ups and downs of college life. However, what others don’t see is her struggle with an intense, ever-present fear — the fear of being alone.

When she is left alone in her room, or when her friends leave after a hangout, the feeling starts to take over. Her chest tightens, her hands sweat, and a knot forms in her stomach. She can’t explain it, but the idea of being by herself fills her with dread. Sometimes, the fear of being alone is so strong that she refuses to go anywhere without a friend or family member accompanying her. She would often cancel plans just to avoid being left alone at home, even though she knew it wasn’t healthy or rational.

She fear of isolation often leads to her feeling disconnected from others, even when surrounded by people. She feels a sense of helplessness when her friends move on to other activities, leaving her to face her own thoughts. It's hard for her to admit, but even in the presence of others, she can feel just as lonely.

She spends hours scrolling through social media to feel connected, but the constant need for validation and the fear of missing out only worsens her anxiety. Her sense of self-worth is heavily tied to how much she feels “needed” or “wanted” by others. This constant search for external validation makes it even harder for her to confront her fear of being alone.

Since I was younger, I’ve always had a difficult time when left alone. At first, I thought it was just a phase. Maybe it was a fear that would go away as I grew older. But it never did. As I moved into my teenage years, the fear only intensified.

When I’m alone, my mind tends to spiral. It’s as though a switch flips, and suddenly, I can’t stop thinking about the worst-case scenarios. What if something happens to me and no one is there to help? What if my friends forget about me? What if I’m just… invisible?

When I'm by myself, it’s not just physical isolation that bothers me; it’s emotional isolation too. There’s a constant feeling that I'm not enough — that if I’m not surrounded by people, I’m somehow failing at life. I find myself constantly reaching out to others, texting, calling, or checking social media just to feel connected. It’s like I need to be wanted, needed, or acknowledged in order to feel safe.

But the problem with this constant need for connection is that it doesn’t always work. I’ve canceled plans with friends because I felt like I couldn’t be alone. I’ve even avoided going to places I love because the thought of being by myself there seemed unbearable. The more I try to escape my fear, the more I realize it’s controlling me.

The Effects of Autophobia on My Life

Living with autophobia has impacted several aspects of my life, some of which I’m only starting to understand.

Social Strain: My fear of being alone has sometimes affected my friendships. I feel an overwhelming need to stay in constant touch with my friends, and sometimes, it feels like too much. I fear they’ll get tired of me or think I’m needy. At times, I push people away because I’m too scared to let them see how much my fear controls me.

Social Challenges: I feel like always be around others. While this may seem like a normal teenage behavior, the difference is that I cannot handle being left alone, even for a short period of time. I feel a constant need to check in with her friends and family, fearing that if she isn’t constantly available, I will lose their attention and love.

Emotional Exhaustion: Trying to avoid my fear of being alone is draining. It’s emotionally exhausting to feel like I need to be constantly engaged with others, always checking my phone, always reaching out. The pressure to maintain constant communication leaves me feeling depleted, and I often feel guilty when I can’t meet the expectations I set for myself.

Mental Health: The fear of being alone often manifests as anxiety and panic attacks. I struggles with feelings of sadness and frustration when fear keeps me engaging in the things i loves, like reading, writing, or pursuing my favorite hobbies. These feelings are compounded by a sense of inadequacy and the belief that she is different from everyone else.

Lack of Focus: It’s not just my social life that suffers — my academic and personal goals can take a hit too. I find it difficult to concentrate on my studies when I’m worried about being alone or missing out on something. My mind races, and I find it hard to be present in the moment, which impacts my focus and productivity.

Academic Pressure: At college, I sometimes struggles with my concentration and performance due to the constant preoccupation with my fears. I find it hard to focus on my studies, as much of my emotional energy is spent worrying about being alone. My academic performance has started to slip, and the pressure to “keep up” with my peers adds to her anxiety.

Family Dynamics: At home, my family is supportive, but they don’t always understand the depth of my  fear. They might encourage me to “snap out of it” or assume that I will grow out of it. However, autophobia isn’t something that simply goes away without addressing it, relationships with my family can become strained when they feel frustrated by me constant need for reassurance or my reluctance to be alone.

Emotional Disconnect: I’ve realized that my fear also leads to emotional disconnect. Even when I’m surrounded by people, I often feel like I’m alone in my struggles. It’s hard to explain my fear to others because I feel like they won’t understand or might dismiss it as an overreaction. This makes me feel even more isolated, even in crowded rooms.

How I’ve Learned to Cope

Admitting that I have a fear of being alone wasn’t easy. It felt like I was admitting weakness or failure. But over time, I’ve learned that this fear doesn’t define me. It’s just one part of my life, and like any fear, it’s something I can work through. Here are some things I’ve tried to help cope with my autophobia.

Therapy: I never visited a proper psychologist during my depression or disorder but,A Heartfelt Thank You to Shah Rukh Khan’s Role in Dear Zindagi – A Source of Healing 

I want to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude for your portrayal of  Dr. Jug(Shah Rukh Khan) in Dear Zindagi. His role as a compassionate, insightful psychologist touched my heart in ways words can barely capture. As someone who has struggled with depression and the fear of losing people, your performance helped me see things in a different light — offering me a sense of hope and understanding I didn’t know I needed.

Through Dr. Jug, he demonstrated that it’s okay to acknowledge our pain and fears, and that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward healing. His character’s wisdom and calm presence were a reminder that, no matter how overwhelming life may seem, we have the power to heal from our inner wounds. He helped me understand that it’s normal to be afraid of losing those we love, but that fear doesn’t have to control us. It’s the acceptance of our emotions and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable that helps us grow.

The way Dr. Jug encouraged Kiara (Alia Bhatt) to face her fears, confront her past, and learn to embrace herself made me realize that I, too, can learn to accept my imperfections and begin the journey of healing. His advice about letting go, forgiving ourselves, and understanding that relationships, though meaningful, don’t define our worth, was eye-opening for me. It gave me the courage to take small steps toward dealing with my own anxieties and realizing that it’s okay to lean on others when needed.

Thank you for bringing such a beautiful, profound character to life. Through your portrayal, I’ve learned that the path to overcoming depression and the fear of abandonment isn’t linear — it’s a journey of self-compassion, patience, and understanding. Dr. Jug gave me a sense of peace that I had been searching for, and I will forever be grateful for the impact his role had on my life.

With sincere appreciation!

Gradual Exposure: One of the techniques I’ve learned in therapy is gradual exposure. It means slowly getting used to being alone for small increments of time. At first, it felt unbearable, but now I can spend small stretches of time alone without feeling completely panicked. It’s a work in progress, but it’s helping me build resilience.

Mindfulness and Relaxation: I’ve started practicing mindfulness and deep breathing exercises when I feel anxious. These techniques help me stay grounded in the present moment, rather than letting my mind spiral into worst-case scenarios. The more I practice, the more I’m able to calm myself down when fear starts to take over.

Building Self-Compassion: I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I used to think that being alone meant I wasn’t important or valuable, but I’m realizing that my worth isn’t tied to being constantly surrounded by others. It’s okay to enjoy solitude and recharge, and I’m learning to embrace it as a time for growth, self-reflection, and creativity.

Creating a Support Network: While I’m working on becoming more comfortable with being alone, I’ve also made it a point to create a support system I can lean on. I’ve reached out to my friends and family to talk about my fear, and although it’s hard to open up, their understanding and support have been invaluable.

Moving Forward: Embracing Myself

I’m still on this journey, and I don’t have all the answers. There are days when the fear of being alone creeps up on me, and I struggle to handle it. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to have bad days and to not have everything figured out. The important thing is that I’m taking steps toward healing.

Living with autophobia doesn’t define me — it’s just something I’m learning to manage. And as I continue this journey, I know that every small step counts. It’s not about eliminating my fear entirely but learning how to coexist with it in a way that doesn’t control my life.

If you’re like me, struggling with autophobia or any other fear, remember that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel afraid, and it’s okay to ask for help. Together, we can work through our fears and find the strength to embrace who we are, both with and without others by our side.

Autophobia can feel like an invisible barrier that keeps a girl from fully embracing life and reaching her potential. For me, the road ahead might be difficult, but with patience, therapy, and the right coping strategies, I can learn to face my fears and reclaim my sense of independence.

Again Autophobia doesn’t define me; it’s just one of the challenges I'm facing as I am learning to grow, heal, and navigate life. While the fear of being alone may always be a part of me, I can learn to coexist with it — and ultimately, thrive. The key is realizing that it’s okay to seek help, take small steps, and, most importantly, be kind to yourself as I takes the journey toward healing.

Before ending this blog

Note to Self: Embracing My Journey, Despite the Fear of Abandonment

To me, as I navigate this path of self-discovery and healing, remember that abandonment is a feeling, not a reality. It’s okay to feel afraid sometimes, to feel like the world around you might slip away or that you’ll be left behind. But know this: you are not defined by those fears. You are strong, resilient, and deserving of love — not because of your need to be constantly surrounded, but because of the depth of your heart and the courage to face your vulnerabilities.

People come and go in life, but that doesn’t mean you’re disposable or unworthy. Sometimes, those who seem distant may just be on their own journeys, and their absence isn’t a reflection of your worth. You are not alone in your emotions; others, too, have their fears and struggles, and they may not always know how to be there in the way you need. But you are enough, even when you stand on your own.

Trust in your own company, and remember that you are your own greatest support. In moments of solitude, use the time to reconnect with who you are, to nurture your passions, and to find peace within yourself. You are capable of overcoming this fear, one step at a time. Keep growing, keep healing, and trust that the love you need is already inside you — not reliant on the presence of others, but flowing from the self-compassion and strength you cultivate within.

You are not abandoned. You are learning, growing, and becoming the person you are meant to be, and that’s something beautiful. Be patient with yourself.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you found it helpful or inspiring. Your time and attention are truly appreciated, and I’m excited to continue sharing with you in future posts. Until next time, take care and thank you once again!